That's why it's called a shortcut. If it were easy, it would just be "the way".

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Ferreting Out the Truth

I was driving in Prescott on Thursday behind a Jeep Cherokee with a bumper sticker that looked like a "Got Milk" ad. But it didn't say "Got Milk". I had to drive up closer to read what it said. I thought my eyesight was going bad when I deciphered, "Got Ferrets". I decided to ride the tail of the Jeep in order to be sure. Yup. "Got Ferrets" it said.

I thought that was hillarious. A ferret nut. Instead of a single lady with 20 cats, she probably has 20 ferrets. Then I started to wonder where she got such a bumper sticker. I don't think I have ever seen anything like it, even at PetSmart or some other shop where pets are given the rank of humans.

I started to wonder if she got it from a ferret convention. Wouldn't that be funny? A bunch of ferret owners getting together. I wonder if they would be pretty much the same members that show up to a Star Wars convention. Are there specialized bumper stickers at those conventions, like Got Force? I dunno.

I wonder if it is a huge dating scene, these Ferret conventions. Don't get lovin' all year, but show up at one of these as a sad, dilapidated 40 year old woman and presto bango, serviced! (Although you were just serviced by a man named Jeff who has a potbelly the size of a 4' egg with balding hair he has grown out to his shoulders to make up for the bald patch in the middle who either has a job at a call center for customer service or is a cranky tech guy at some skyscraper Fortune 500 company.)

Monday, June 20, 2005

Sneak One By

It's official- Real life has taken over blogging!

Just to confirm, I am totally strange. I know it isn't good to hear voices in one's head, but what about faint bass lines? I am trying to sleep and it sounds like a neighbor is having a large party but all I can hear is the faint bass line through the insulation of my home. I check at all the windows and doors and I don't hear anything. Satisfied that I have conquered the sound by my mere presence, I lay back down, only to have it start again.

I lay in bed (patiently) for fifteen minutes and the noise seems to be growing louder. I can almost pick out a melody. I get up, go the the windows. Nothing. I go to the doors. Nothing. I resign and eat a bowl of cereal and blog.

Monday, June 13, 2005

What's Next?

I don't know if I have anything to say. I thought I did, but I have a headache and now I am looking at this big blank BOX and I don't know what I was going to say.

J finally (FINALLY) quit his job. I have been telling him for years to do it. They treat him like dirt and he's a really good worker. We live in a small town, he has a great reputation and I am sure someone will snatch him up in a heartbeat.

However, this sense of things not being in their place makes me feel discontent. The job, the house in the neighborhood I don't like, lots of contributing factors make me wonder where all of this is headed. I feel restless. I need to just stay the course and ride things out but I suddenly have a wild hair. I am frustrated because I know in life I have a lot more potential than what I am currently doing. I don't want to sit around waiting for life to happen and have it all pass me by. I want to really use everything I have to do something more than I am doing now. I know a lot more talent and resources have been placed in me than what is being used. I feel an itching to break free and go for the gusto and start doing something different, something that counts in the grand scheme of things.

Now, I know. People are going to say that I can be effective and make a difference right where I am at. You are right. I am not denying that or taking it for granted. I feel like I am at critical mass and ready to move into the next atmosphere or something. I feel like a soda can that has been shaken up and is ready to be opened. I am being bubbly right where I am at, but if someone would just pop the top, I would be much more than I am right now.

A sticky mess, I guess is what I am aspiring to be!

Friday, June 10, 2005

Sweet and Sour

I am moving out of my neighborhood. I am going to buy a piece of land and build a house. I came home and noticed an egg in my driveway. Some person suffering from boredom and bad aim decided to send two eggs flying into my house. No harm, no foul but a little bit of the yolk got on the car so I had to wash that off at 10:30 tonight so it wouldn't dry and ruin the paint job. So stupid.

In other news, I have this enormous bathtub in my master bathroom. It is one of those tubs that a 6' tall person can fit into comfortably, complete with jets. It's lovely. I was taking a bath, reading my book (always reading) and J walked in with his guitar and serenaded me. Not only did he sing to me, he sang our wedding song. Not only did he sing our wedding song, the wedding song is the song he wrote for me, a J original. How romantical!

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

I'm not ticking

I don't get it. I think God forgot to install a clock in me. You know, the biological one. Either that, or it is set to go off so late I won't be able to do anything about it.

I am going to pontificate about children some more. I am 28 and a half! (And a half people!) Most people have kids by my age or want them. I love kids. I love babies, toddlers and teenagers. The ages of 8-12 don't thrill me but that isn't my deal stopper. And I am not sure what my deal stopper is for having children. I find them amusing. I think they are everything adults should try to be for the most part. I love their laughs, the fact that their skin is perfect, that they say clever things all the time, and they accept things for what they are.

I have the energy to keep up with them. I can out do them in most cases. I even have the discpline to keep a schedule and be a happy, well adjusted mom.

But I don't want to do it. Looking into the eyes of a child doesn't out weigh the lack of sleep. Holding little fingers doesn't undo the projectile poop from the day before. Hearing the laugh doesn't make all the dirty dishes and dirty diapers go away.

I don't see in my mind how it is worth everything. I am sure kids are worth it all. 99% of parents say it is. (I feel sorry for the poor bastards that make up the remaining 1%.) I just don't have it figured out. I don't comprehend with my mind how these little people make up for all of the work that is required.

So I believe I might be done talking about children for a while. I feel like I SHOULD want to have them. I wouldn't be disappointed if I did get pregnant, but I don't desire and crave and have to have a child. I think someone went in and cut the red wire before I was set to go off.

Gezundheidt (You know what I mean!)

It is beautiful outside with blue skies and a very sunny sun. The wind is breezy. Flowers are blooming. The air smells wonderful. Therefore, my sinus are backed up, I have no energy, my ears feel like they have an ice pick down them and of course, a great big headache.

I need to go get my allergy prescriptions refilled. It seems like a huge feat to go take a shower, do my hair (which is now overdue for it's regular beautifying) and put on my face. If I don't do it, I will be miserable for even longer.

I miss my friend's baby still. (No, this does not mean I want to have kids. I just wish hers were closer.) I keep hearing his baby laugh. You know the baby laugh right? The one that is clear as a bell and gurgly. Why does Colorado have to be so far away?

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Stood Up

I am all irritated and bent out of shape.

I love getting my hair done. Love it. I have an appointment today. I went. I got there a bit early. The shop was closed. I waited. I waited some more. I got bored of waiting and decided to go to the post office and mail my friend in Colorado the pictures from my vacation along with some coloring books.

Came back. Still no sign of Raul the Hairdresser. Decided he blew off work today. Thanks for calling, buddy!

I thought maybe I had the time written down wrong. I have called the shop about five times. No answer.

Now I am feeling all pissy and grumpy and I don't want to do anything. I drove half an hour there and half an hour back and missed an important office meeting that wasn't as important as getting my hair done. My poor hair needs a lift. I just want to watch a movie or take a nap or read. I really have work I should go to Sedona to do, but I am all bent out of shape. My hair looks like crap. I am all irritated.

I should write a dark, meaningful play about Raul the Hairdresser.


The first two days of being back I mostly slept. Isn't that the greatest blog story ever? I am sure if nothing else, it is the most exciting, riveting read you have had in a while.

I miss my friends and their families. They have a lot going on and I only get glimpses of it every couple of years. I really should move to Colorado!

In other news, I am back into my routine. I am a routine kind of person. I get up, let the dogs out to go to the bathroom, make my coffee, let the dogs in to feed them, read and have some quiet time, let the dogs inside, clean the house a little, blog and then get ready. I like having a routine. I am a routine kind of person.

However, I don't like my routine to be set in stone. I hate too much predictability. I could never have a job where I had to sit for the day and do the same tasks over and over again.

I can be married to the same person. I can live in the same house. I can keep the same dogs. I go to the same grocery store.

I cannot keep the same wardrobe. I have to change the towels and other decorations. I have to park somewhere different every once in a while. I have to buy different trash bags. Every six weeks, I try to get a different hair do.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Ring My Bell

(A few pictures from Colorado below.)

So spending four days with a house full of children has given me a new perspective of a mom's life.

The people I usually associate with worry about things like being polite at the table when they go out to eat, having a great hair day, wearing the latest trend for an outfit and taking a shower daily.

I went to eat with my friends, their husbands and the five children at a Chinese buffet. I didn't have time to manage to get my shower in that morning because I woke up at 6 and felt the need to clean the kitchen and living room. By the time I was done, the baby was awake and my friend was still sleeping because we had gone out to the bar the night before and she's not used to being out until 11:30 at night anymore. So the day progressed and by the time lunch rolled around and we were leaving, it never crossed my mind to take my shower. I think the husbands managed to get clean. I don't think anyone else was.

At the lunch table, I was eating a chicken skewer thing. A bite of chicken had a bunch of gristle and fat. Usually, I would discreetly wipe my mouth and the chicken would end up in the napkin or I would just eat it so I didn't appear to have disgusting table habits. At lunch with the two families, sitting across from the two four year olds, I just picked it out of my mouth with my fingers and put it back on my plate. No one noticed.

My girlfriends are no longer worried about the designer labels, the latest hair fashion, whether their shoes match the diaper bags or table manners. They don't worry about if the car is clean. They worry about if diapers are clean, if the kids are going to hurt themselves, and nap time. They concern themselves with making meals, cleaning dishes and making sure the kids are happy. There is no more quiet time or leisure time in their schedules. They are lax in so many areas but are really concerned about really basic things that I never even stop to think about.

After this trip, I am still not sure that raising kids are for me. My best friend's husband says my maternal instincts are really good, but I think it was all the nanny jobs I had in high school and college. I cannot listen to a kid cry and not do something to make the crying stop. I thought I would be relieved to get away from the constant overwhelming noise and activity and in some ways I am but in a lot of ways, I am not. Their kids are seriously great fun and full of life. There is something you get being around a kid a lot that you can't get in any other way. They want to please, they are easily amused, and they are full of ideas. They are most of the things adults wished they wouldn't have lost somewhere along the way.

During my nap today, I dreamt about Ben, the baby in the photo below. Ben and I spent a lot of time together. I miss him. I miss my friends. Their kids are incredible even if they are incredibly overwhelming. (Four boys and one girl probably doesn't help either.) I think being a mom is the hardest, most unappreciated job ever. It requires so much more than my job. My life is still very much about me, even though I give chunks of it away to my husband, the teens I mentor and my clients. I still get my hair done every six weeks. I get pedicures. I get my eyebrows waxed. I go shopping. I spend a minimal amount of time in my house. My dogs are the most demanding relationship I have because they have to eat on their time schedule.

I am going to stop rambling now. I think motherhood is rival to the demands of being a Marine and has a much longer tour of duty. I would have rung the bell already.

Me & my best friend. Posted by Hello

The three amigos in Colorado! Posted by Hello

The baby- I really miss the little guy and kissing those cheeks!
 Posted by Hello

The middle child.  Posted by Hello

The oldest kid. (See why I miss them?) Posted by Hello

Friday, June 03, 2005

It's Almost Midnight

It's almost midnight and I am sorta drunk blogging. I haven't even checked my email in 3 days yet I am writing you peeps to say hi.

Everything is fine. We went to the dueling piano bar tonight that Star talked about. We had fun. I had fun after the second drink. Thought I might have saw Star as I was walking in. Short blonde with brown eyes- just got a few second glance but she was staring at me like she knew me and it was in front of a place Star has been so I thought it might be her. Dunno.

So, beotch actually went out of her way to apologize and is no longer a beotch. In fact, she is very much like she was our freshman year of college when we were basically best friends. She said she was sorry and cried and everything. I love her. I always have which is why I wanted to hate her for so long even though at the same time I wanted to forgive her. So I can finally forgive her and we really have had a nice time and it makes me want to cry because we missed so many years together. :o( She has wanted to say sorry for five years. I have wanted to forgive her for about three. So stupid.

My bestfriend whom I came to visit is stressed with her three boys all four years old and younger. It makes me sad to see my friend worn so thin. She gives everything to her three precious boys and the husband wants everything else.