That's why it's called a shortcut. If it were easy, it would just be "the way".

Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween!!!!!!!!

I love kids dressed up, all jazzed to get high on sugar. I especially love it when they are so young they can't say Trick or Treat, they say, "Twick or Tweet".

Something about October. I love this month. I think I love it because in Arizona, this is when the weather is perfect. It stays perfect for a few months. Our winter doesn't really start until January most years. Plus, my birthday is in October so everyone feels obligated to take me to lunch or dinner, get me cards or buy me presents. Or if they don't, they feel obligated to say sorry for not attending to such things.

I just feel content. It's not drunken contentment, either. Earlier this month I was stressed. I felt like there was so much going on that I was on a merry-go-round that wouldn't stop, only speed up. I decided to simplify. After throwing my cell phone away, leaving my purse in a different town and forgetting all sorts of basic things, I simplified. I also have gotten better at not feeling guilty for doing everything I thought I should. I turned off the OCD switch. Life is much more enjoyable now.

Plus, I am floored at how much people love me. I don't know why they love me. I get compliments and calls and I's great. I like being loved.

In marriage I have my best friend. It is always a great marriage, but there are times when we seem to be "in love" like when we were dating. It's so much fun when this happens!! :) He's been so good to me. How could I not love him? But sometimes, he is so good to me, I get all butterfly-ie. I dunno. Okay, I made up a word. Have a goulishly good night!

Saturday, October 29, 2005

I Stink

Really. I haven't stepped out of the house since Thursday evening. I have The Crud. It's bad. I lost my voice on Tuesday, but what convinced me I need to rest and get rid of The Crud was The Headache that manifested Thursday afternoon. I was in massive pain. Luckily, I woke up Friday and the headache was gone, but I have watched movies and TV mostly. I did take this whole morning and super-cleaned my house. It was way overdue. I have been so very busy that my house being clean wasn't much of a priority. It does mess with my OCD but sometimes I just have to flip the switch on that and set it aside so I can function and prioritize things that really do matter over dust bunnies and crud in corners.

All the dust bunnies and cruddy corners are dead as of now. I still don't understand why I end up feeling so grimy when I am done cleaning the house though.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Opinions are Like Buttholes

I tried to be a people pleaser. I grew up with a natural tendency to try to please my family and my peers. Some people are very good people pleasers and everyone seems to be pleased with them. They kiss butt wherever they go, and it seems that they get far in life. They have gobs of friends. They say "yes" to every situation. They change to be like the people they are around.

I tried to be that way. No one liked me growing up. I had no friends for stretches at a time. I was the worst people pleaser ever. Unless I pleased everyone by letting them hate on me. Not wanting to rock the boat, I didn't really say anything to anyone.

It got me in trouble as I got older because I would try to fit in and I would compromise everything I knew to be wrong to have people like me. I ended up with no friends and a very crappy boyfriend.

For a long, long time I tried to figure out why I had no friends. I tried to figure out why my butt kissing didn't work like it did for other people. I could never seem to get it right.

Just before college, I realized that I had enough of my own crap to deal with and I stopped worrying about other people's opinions of me. I changed. I have my own beliefs that aren't superimposed from the outside. I have a real easy time saying "no" to anything that goes beyond my boundaries. I am a generous person, but I have limits now. I rarely seek approval from people, and if I do, it is most likely from my husband.

Sometimes I look around at these groups of women who all compliment each other, hang out and tend to flock. I am not in that group. I probably never will be. I started to wonder why again.

Then it hit me. Quite honestly, my purpose in life is directly opposed to being a people pleaser. I could not accomplish what I know I am supposed to do if I were always looking back at people for my approval as I try to move forward. I know my calling in life. I know what I am supposed to do. I fix broken teenagers. I help give them tools they need to survive. People's opinions aside, I cannot try to please people when I have the responsibility of taking care of people.

So I am a complete odd-ball. I don't fit in with the typical Christian. I live by the standards I think I am called to and don't put on an act to try to live up to other people's standards for me. I don't fit in with other people, either because I don't back down on my beliefs or standards. I am not in anyone's face because I think they need to come to their own conclusions about God, but I also don't change my identity to fit into theirs anymore. I think I am on the road of becoming the weirdest person in my family, and that is going to be hard. The rest of my family seems to play safe in their beliefs. It's not a huge motivator in their life that I can see anyway. Somehow I am ending up being the one to really go after a life that is centered around my beliefs and that means I have to live what I teach and live what I know. That's gonna be hard. I have always lived and talked in a way to make everyone as happy as possible with me. The hardest part is changing away from my family. But I can't look at anyone else to tell me I am doing a good job or to tell me that I am right. Because everyone has their own opinions, and no one knows the direction my life is taking because no one has lived my life before.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Hurricane Amber

I am not pregnant!

I do have my laptop back. I don't know if any of my virtual Pajamaland Bloggers remember me.

My brain found its way home. I tried to ask it where it had run off to, but it refused to answer. The hamster is back on the wheel. It might be a replacement hamster. You know what a replacement hamster is. It's the hamster parents buy for their kids when their original hamster dies. It has to look pretty close to the previous one as to not be detected. That's what I've got- the aliens stole my brain and replaced it with a look-alike.

I have had really bad hiccups all day. The kind that hurt sometimes. The kind that create hurricanes and earthquakes.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Brain Drain

I haven't been visiting here lately because I still don't have my laptop back from the store so when I get in front of a computer, I have to do necessary stuff and it turns out blogging isn't necessary. Who knew?

I think someone stole my brain. I have been extremely absent-minded lately. Here are a few of the incidents I actually remember.

I couldn't find my cell phone. I called it numerous times. I finally heard faint strains of the tune wafting towards me from outside. So I honed in on the sound and got closer and closer to the side of my house. I had thrown it in a trash bin. Good thing it wasn't trash day!

Yesterday I had to take my house key to my brother's house because I was going to be gone until midnight and someone needed to let the dogs out to do their business. So Jeremy and I are headed out the door and I ask him if he has HIS house key so I can drop MY house key off with my brother. Yes, he does. We drive to my brother's house to drop off my key. I left it at home on the table. Apparently as I was walking out the door, I put my keys away.

Last night we were in Phoenix, about a 2 hour drive from our house to a Southeast suburb where my in-laws live. My mother-in-law was celebrating her 50th birthday. We left the party just after 9. (I had to work early this morning.) About 45 minutes into the drive home, I realize I left my purse (ie. my life) at the in-laws house. They are mailing it back to me.

I haven't been drinking or doing drugs. I am not getting headaches so I doubt it a tumor. I don't have blonde hair. I have always been a bit spacey and prone to one of these antics about once a month, but three in two days? What is wrong with me?