Opinions are Like Buttholes

I tried to be a people pleaser. I grew up with a natural tendency to try to please my family and my peers. Some people are very good people pleasers and everyone seems to be pleased with them. They kiss butt wherever they go, and it seems that they get far in life. They have gobs of friends. They say "yes" to every situation. They change to be like the people they are around.

I tried to be that way. No one liked me growing up. I had no friends for stretches at a time. I was the worst people pleaser ever. Unless I pleased everyone by letting them hate on me. Not wanting to rock the boat, I didn't really say anything to anyone.

It got me in trouble as I got older because I would try to fit in and I would compromise everything I knew to be wrong to have people like me. I ended up with no friends and a very crappy boyfriend.

For a long, long time I tried to figure out why I had no friends. I tried to figure out why my butt kissing didn't work like it did for other people. I could never seem to get it right.

Just before college, I realized that I had enough of my own crap to deal with and I stopped worrying about other people's opinions of me. I changed. I have my own beliefs that aren't superimposed from the outside. I have a real easy time saying "no" to anything that goes beyond my boundaries. I am a generous person, but I have limits now. I rarely seek approval from people, and if I do, it is most likely from my husband.

Sometimes I look around at these groups of women who all compliment each other, hang out and tend to flock. I am not in that group. I probably never will be. I started to wonder why again.

Then it hit me. Quite honestly, my purpose in life is directly opposed to being a people pleaser. I could not accomplish what I know I am supposed to do if I were always looking back at people for my approval as I try to move forward. I know my calling in life. I know what I am supposed to do. I fix broken teenagers. I help give them tools they need to survive. People's opinions aside, I cannot try to please people when I have the responsibility of taking care of people.

So I am a complete odd-ball. I don't fit in with the typical Christian. I live by the standards I think I am called to and don't put on an act to try to live up to other people's standards for me. I don't fit in with other people, either because I don't back down on my beliefs or standards. I am not in anyone's face because I think they need to come to their own conclusions about God, but I also don't change my identity to fit into theirs anymore. I think I am on the road of becoming the weirdest person in my family, and that is going to be hard. The rest of my family seems to play safe in their beliefs. It's not a huge motivator in their life that I can see anyway. Somehow I am ending up being the one to really go after a life that is centered around my beliefs and that means I have to live what I teach and live what I know. That's gonna be hard. I have always lived and talked in a way to make everyone as happy as possible with me. The hardest part is changing away from my family. But I can't look at anyone else to tell me I am doing a good job or to tell me that I am right. Because everyone has their own opinions, and no one knows the direction my life is taking because no one has lived my life before.