My First Mistake as a Mom

I keep my house clean. I constantly wash my hands. I disenfect his room and the house doorknobs occasionally. I pick him up constantly, talk to him, play with him. I am quick to change a diaper. I spot treat his clothes.

Yet I feel like the worst mom in the world right now.

Kids should come with an instruction manual. In today's uber-informed day, I google everything. For example, I have a vast knowledge of RSV, homeopathic remedies for babies, pros and cons to immunization shots and some little tricks, why newborn babies don't shed tears when they cry, what developmental milestones he should hit and when, how to wash clothes, special mixtures for diaper rash.

Yet somehow I missed this. In my defense, I went to go pick up the Tylenol one week after he was born, right after he was circumcized. I was a bit daffy still.

So at two and a half months old, I took Karsten in to get his first round of immunization shots. Usually babies get them at exactly two months old, but it is was Christmas with lots of parties to attend and the immunization shots forces the body to be sick so it is wise to keep the baby away from potential germs.

So yesterday at 3:00, before we went to the pediatrician, I gave Karsten 8 ml of Children's Tylenol as the nurse had instructed so it wouldn't be so painful because he would be stoned. He was a champ. He didn't get a fever, hasn't been too fussy except for some gas. This morning at 9, I gave him 8 ml more because he had a slight fever but he was still all smiley and happy with me.

Tonight about 8:00 his fever seemed a bit warmer and he was yelling and even offering him food didn't quiet him. So I put some milk in a bottle and added the Tylenol. As I was doing this, I noticed that 80ml was enough for a 35-47 pound kid. That's roughly three times more than Karsten weighs.

So I went to go make sure I had the correct dropper. I did.

I called the pediatrician's office and had an after hours nurse call back.

Apparently Tylenol comes in a strength for children and another type for Infants. I had Children's Tylenol in liquid form. In my mind, infants are children so that was the stuff I bought when Karsten was 9 days old.

So I have overdosed my kid with Tylenol which is potentially fatal. My first mistake as a mom is a fatal one.

My husband called his mom who said the same thing the pediatrican's nurse did. He should be fine because he had only 2 doses which were 18 hours apart and there are no apparent side effects yet. We should make sure he gets more liquids than normal. (Yea for me, I get to wake up every 3 hours like he's a newborn again. Small pennance for how bad I feel though.) If the spot under his ribcage feels hard or is really tender to Karsten or if he turns yellow, we are probably in big trouble.

We googled acetaminophen, the active ingredient in Tylenol. An overdose could require a liver transplant or it may result in death. Acetaminophenis a toxin. Ever hear of a teenager trying to overdose on a bottle of asprin? Tylenol is more likely to work better.

So I called Poison Control Center. 1-800-222-1222 I didn't have to look that up. I now have it memorized.

The guy on the phone was very nice. He asked questions like Karsten's age, weight, potency of the Tylenol. After doing some math he told me that the doseage he got was three to six times what he needed but it didn't pose a real problem.

My holistic doctor called me after I left a message for her. She told me to take milk thistle, a liver maintenance pill, viatmin C, enzymes and acidophilous every four hours for the next two days.

He'll be fine. I just wonder why my first mistake couldn't be putting his shirt on backwards?

Money Issues

I think a lot more about things like health insurance, drug problems in my community and the state education system now that I'm a mom.

My momness is stressed about bills. I really want to be responsible about paying everything on time. I need health insurance for my family. I am self employed. My husband works at a small church.

I have been thinking a lot about finding a "real" job instead of being self employed but the potential for money in this job is so good. I am in my third year and building my business, so I should just get busier and learn more to do better, correct? I don't know.

I want to go back and finish school. I want to live somewhere that is close to a four year college. I am looking for a profession that will pay well and be reliable. Not something I necessarily love because now I love my son and my family and that's what I will work for.

I want to live in a state where the education is better than 48th out of 50.

I could sell my house, take the profit and buy a home in Iowa free and clear. The downside is that I would then live in Iowa.

All of a sudden, life as it was two months ago is not going to cut it for life with a son. I am going to have to step up my game in real estate and start pulling down the money I know I can make if I apply myself. I am going to have to live within a budget. I am going to have to start saving for retirement and Baby K's college fund.

I feel motivated to do all of these things now. It's just the immediate future that is stressing me out. Maybe by the Spring, I will be rolling along in business enough to generate income for a good insurance program, get an online education and start that savings program!!

Anyway, that is what's on my mind right now. Thanks for letting me get it out!

Maui!!

I can tell I am getting more rest. I actually have brain capacity to daydream and wish. It is a change from the grind of worrying about the basics of food, sleep and cleanliness. However, day dreaming is dangerous. I found myself wanting a brief vacation and only six weeks into this new momness! I am ready for Baby K to be a bit more independent, but only for a week so I can go to San Diego or Maui. Ahhh....beaches and mai tais. I could just wave my worries and stresses away. I could sleep in again. Just some simple things to look forward to.

I think I have a year to go at least for something like that. And I am sure five hours into an excursion, I would be missing Mr. J and Baby K and would have to turn around and go home immediately.

So this evening I was feeling a wee bit sorry for myself. I gave the dogs a bath, did dishes, did laundry, took out trash, fed changed and burped Baby K countless times today. By this evening, I just wanted someone to make dinner for me. I wanted to take a long bath or have sex or do something normal. I wanted the house to be magically clean and the laundry to put itself away. Just a break where I didn't feel guilty for leaving Mr. J to tend to things just because I didn't want to for a while.

I am grateful that I have a great husband who can help out and is more than willing to. He is constantly telling me, "Amber, just ask for help when you need it." But I feel guilty for not wanting to do it myself. If I don't want to do it, why would anyone else?

On a side note, Mr. J needs to take cooking classes.

Boring or Strange?

I don’t like blending in, being normal, hum-drum or status quo. I think it is part of the reason I waited a while to become a mom. Everyone has kids it seems. I know God made us to reproduce and it’s fairly easy to do, even without intending to.

I am a middle income American, wife of a youth pastor, a mom and I don’t even think I qualify as a MILF. I don’t think there is much originality in that. The thought sort of depressed me for a few days. I am just glad I have today’s version of a wagon instead of a white minivan I guess. Plus, I don’t have to take anyone to soccer practice just yet.

I now wake up between 4:30 and 5:30 in the morning and go to bed no later than 9:00 at night in most cases. I do laundry, clean the house, get urges to make homemade cookies, make dinner, feed the dogs, compulsively vacuum the living room. I watch Oprah and Dr. Phil in the afternoon. I even think about looking for coupons online before I go shopping and I budget and figure out how much I have in the bank account and how many bills I have to pay to see if they balance. (The good news is that I live in a country where the national deficit will always be something to consider before I begin to panic. Do other countries call the White House daily asking about payment? I digress.)

I worry about germs and sickness and coughs and cleanliness. I have a working knowledge of how to change a diaper on a six week old baby at 2:30 in the morning when he is squirming, kicking and screaming and can manage to get the diaper on and all fifty snaps repositioned in no time flat. I eat even faster. I can down lunch or dinner in under two minutes flat.

Where’s my originality? Basically, it’s in my DNA.

Psalm 139 (The Bible)

13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

I talk to my teens a lot about purpose and identity. (Or, at least I did before I became pregnant and I formed a one track mind for Mommy-ville.) I have been stripped of my previous purpose and identity. It still exists, but in a much smaller, less significant way. I still have a profession. I still enjoy my relationships with teens. I still write blogs occasionally. I still read books sometimes, have conversations with my husband and shop at Wal Mart. My purpose and identity in life might be confused with being a 30 year old mom, a pastor’s wife, my looks, my checking account balance, the vehicle I drive or a myriad of other things.

The truth is my identity has been given to be uniquely by the unique Creator. My husband shared with me that God says, “I know the plans I have made for you.” The word "plan" there correlates to “invented”. God invented something unique and special for this run-of-the-mill mom.

My true identity might be hidden to most people behind the yellow cleaning gloves, lack of coiffed hair, spit up on my shirt, or slippers that perpetually grace my feet. But I know my true identity. I am unique. God spent time on me personally, starting from the inside out. From day one, he had invented a whole story for me and me only. Even if I fit the profile of 300 million other people, I am my own person with my own story. My power and my life flow from the Creator of the universe. Imagine, he invented something for ME and he also invented things like Earth, flowers, animals, the sun, the moon, DNA, string theory, integers, the way a woman’s body works when she gets pregnant to after the baby is born, thought of everything, planned for everything….He invented me and a story for me.

I am excited to see what the next sentence of my story will be!

P.S. I am sure a bunch of people would label me a "nut" for this post alone! Here's to not being normal!