The Briefcase Syndrome

I couldn’t tell you the exact moment it happened. It was sometime when I was still working for Old Senile Boss Man. I think frustration gave way to apathy. And I have not had the desire to work or create in close to six months. I have not felt the exciting energy I used to have about the idea of business in at least that long.

I am usually a schemer who spends hours upon hours plotting and planning with the aid of my DayTimer. I had a schedule. I had checklists and assistants.

And now I blog more than I give time to work.

I have not felt the stir of excitement over being a professional in a long time. It is a chore, a necessity to pay the bills. Even switching companies did not help the way I had imagined it would. I don’t have be worried about getting sued due to Old Senile Boss Man, but there was still no excitement over the newness of a situation. Sure, I wanted to give a good impression but that lasted for about two weeks. Then more things unraveled in my professional life and other things started kicking in my personal life and I have blogged some more.

Tonight I was reading a book and as my eyes glanced over the word “briefcase”, my heart skipped a beat. I envisioned myself carrying a briefcase full of files and organized things. I imagined getting back to the system and vitality that business brings to me. I saw a whole new world opened up. I imagined taking the old systems are re-implementing them. I thought of being zealous and motivated for clients and really being a stellar professional.

I don’t know if the excitement will wear off by the time I wake up tomorrow. I know I am probably moving and I am going to have to restart my whole career over in a community that is a 45 minute drive from where I live now. I will have to have some drive and stamina if I’m going to make it. Hopefully the idea of files, organization and systems will have appeal to me when I restart life in a month.

Funny how reading one dumb word leaves me wanting more from life.