The Connection

Connections are important. Greg blogged about how he would love to people really understand him because it creates instant connections. I have been thinking about this, but in different terms.

I am at a great place in my life right now. I am surrounded by people that for the most part only want what is best for me. They aren't in competition with me to get "there" first. They just want to lend a hand to help me get to where I need to be. It is the main reason I was struggling with the idea of moving.

I never really felt like people completely understood me as I was growing up. I never seemed to really fit in anywhere. I wasn't good at sports. I didn't like to dress up or be girly. I wasn't part of the popular crowd. I wasn't part of the geek squad. I was just me with a few friends that could put up with me. I remember having deep thoughts at the age of five very clearly. I never took much of anything for granted. I grew up poor. My parents never really had extra money for things until after I had already moved out of the house. I was extraordinarily blessed in other ways. But I was into enjoying the small things in life like laying in clover on a warm sunny day while bumblebees buzzed around my head. I liked the coolness of the river. I liked hiking where there was no one around me for hours. I was a people person, but I took time to notice other things in life. And I had a spiritual recognition at a young age. Even growing up in a family that had the same basic beliefs as I did, they didn't completely understand me. Bits and pieces of me fit here and there when I would meet people in life. My new age grandmother understood some things about me. My dad understood other things. My siblings were the fun part that understood my imagination. But there was no wholeness in any relationship.

Even when I met J, there were things he didn't get about me. He does now but not during our first years of marriage. My friends in college understood much about me. But still, there was a piece that didn't belong anywhere.

But now I am surrounded by people (including J) that get me. I can use a few words to paint the framework of what I mean, but they understand the deepness behind it. It would take a week to explain things that are on my mind thoroughly but because of the connection, they understand the depth immediately. I don't feel judged. I don't feel like I have to hold something back because people will think I am weird. I am so free in this area of my life, I have gotten to the place where I truly don't care if no one else understands. I feel a fullness about who I am so that I don't want to compromise the fullness for a fake "Hello".