Thank You Mr. Anon

I don’t do the “damsel in distress” mode very well. I am tough. I can handle myself. I can kick butt. Everyone cowers before me!

I think I am just starting to pick up on the fact that most people in my life, in order to protect my ego, help me without letting me know that they are helping me. I think they let me think that I am somehow doing them a favor so that I don’t catch on.

I told someone recently that if it weren’t for all the nice people in the world looking out for me, I would probably have been dead in a ditch long ago. I think most people are nice. And most people keep an eye out for me. I am like everyone’s younger sister. (Except for my younger sister. I would be her older sister.) Even my parents do things for me, try to steer me in a direction to help me without ever trying to let on what they are doing.

My husband usually lets me think that I am wearing the pants in the family. I know I’m not. He knows I’m not. And he knows that I know that I’m not but he also knows that I like for the both of us to pretend that I am unless absolutely necessary.

My sister knows that I can think of some really, really stupid ideas sometimes. I will try to instigate her to go along with me on some hair-brained scheme. Her response? “Um. Let’s not.”

Oh. Okay. Then I get to be the fun one and she gets to be the stick in the mud when we both know that deep down she is just more sensible than I am.

Let’s take work for example. It’s supposed to be a dog-eat-dog world in the business I am in. I start working in the industry and the crusty old bastard in the office takes me under his wing and shows me the ropes. For free. Doesn’t ask for a dime in return and helps me endlessly every day. He has never done that for anyone else.

I have no idea why people take time out of their day to help me. I am sure that by the process of the “survival of the fittest” that I would have been dead 10 years ago for sheer stupidity.

"Excuse me miss! You dropped some money out of your wallet."
(Phone rings)"Hey, Amber. You left your credit card here when you left."
Man opens door because if he didn't I would have run into dead center because I am distracted by what a ding bat I am.

But damsel in distress? Never!