The Reason

Disclaimer: The way I originally wrote this belongs on my other blog. If you want to read the original, it is over there.

And now we begin:

Sometimes I can't put a finger on what I mean. Especially when God uses my whole life to teach me something, by the time I learn it, it is such a part of me I can' t explain what I mean.

Today what I mean, what I think, who I am was finally vocalized. It was a sweet moment of release. Somehow finding out that these weird thoughts that belong to only me aren't so abnormal was comforting.

I carry people around. I often think to myself, "I wish I could just carry those teens around in my back pocket so they wouldn't get hurt."

In some respects, caring about other people is heavy. I don't know any other word for it. It takes a lot. I have moments when I just want to cry, cry, cry because I am so vested in people. Being vested in teenagers is probably one of the hardest groups to be vested in because they can change so dramatically in a short time period. They can go from total victory to total defeat in two weeks.

My eyes are misting up as I even write this. I doubt anyone will really have any clue what I am talking about. A teen that I love could be stable and happy for two years. They can be the leader of the group, emotionally stable and be making good choices. And something can happen and they are taking a bottle of pills to numb the pain.

And it hurts me to see them hurt. And it thrills me when they are happy. When it comes to these people God has put in my life, I come last. I don't care. My home, my time, my life is theirs. Just to make a difference. Just to make sure there are no more "throw away" children. Just to make sure that at least they know they have choices in life.

And it rips me apart sometimes. The best way I can describe it is as a glorious burden. It's both.