My Space

WARNING: THIS POST IS LONGER THAN USUAL.

I deleted this post because apparently it was so lame everyone just skipped it and went to the next post and commented just to show how lame it is.

I know I am supposed to blog for self and not change anything due to public opinion, but that's just not my personality.

So summer must be coming to a close, but there is good news.

Jake, Pete and Kyle are back!

Lovely. (If you don't know who those guys are, check the sidebar for some of the best blogs ever.)

I got the comment again today. Someone wanted to know how long I have been married.

Six and a half years.

"Wow. I thought you were still newlyweds. I thought maybe you had been married a couple of months."

Well, why's that? Why a couple of months? Why newlyweds?

"Because of the stories you tell about him. You sound like you are so in love."

Well, duh. I'm married to him, right? What is marriage without love? People tease him saying that opposites must attract or ask him what he did to marry me. In college we were very much alike. We were best friends.

Things have changed since college. I have to wear suits and look like a million bucks so people will trust me to get my job done. He still wears jeans and T-shirts as often as he can get away with it, which is about 360 days a year.

He is a great musician, athlete and auto guy. I can't run and dribble a ball at the same time. I can't sing or play anything. Everything on a car is a "doohickey" and I think 99% of lowered vehicles are ugly.

Yet we are still best friends. I think because my heritage of family role models is great. My grandparents used to tell me, "Some people think that they have to give 50% in a marriage. Expect to give 110%."

I realize that is mathematically impossible. But somedays when my husband has had a rough day, I have to give more of myself than I want to. Somedays the relationship works because I will it to. Luckily, he subscribes to the same motto. The days that I am being bitchy for no reason he puts up with me. He patiently deals with me. He doesn't patronize or condesend or get angry. He lets me have my addictive quirks to cleaning even at his own discomfort. (Think modes of Monica from friends in the scary obsessive cleaning department.)

The other thing my grandparents told me is that my marriage is like a boxing ring. You have to be in the other person's corner no matter what. You have to be there to back them up. It's the two of us against the world. I never put him down, correct him, or do anything to disrespect him in public. He does the same for me. He sticks up for me to other people even when I am being completely ridiculous and demanding. (It happens.) He would rather lose face or drop a notch in someone else's view than to compromise me and leave me fighting for myself.

I dunno where this all came from. Just to say that my husband serves me the world on a golden platter. What's not to love? Why would I ever wander, stray or begrudge him anything?

Thunder of Life

Star wrote about innocence. We lose it in simple ways like not understanding how bad it hurts to skin our knees as a kid, especially when the antiseptic spray gets put on. That burn seems like the worst thing that can happen at the age of six.

Greg talked about his burn. He decided to walk across embers. That was a whole new pain.

Pain is in our lives. Sometimes it is self-inflicted from not thinking ahead about wearing our pads when riding a bike or walking across a hot fire. A majority of pain comes from circumstances beyond our control.

It is this pain that often times produces strength and beauty in a someone, or bitterness and lonliness. Rachel lost her brother almost two years ago. He was 17. Rachel is now 16. Thomas lost his little brother who was 3. Thomas is 17. The pain doesn't subside over the years. They learn to cope and deal with life. But when those emotions are brought to the surface, they hurt as if it was yesterday that they suffered the loss.

In their hurt, they are like the legendary Phoenix that rises from the death, ashes and destruction. I watch them time and time again take a stand against the pain. They choose to celebrate life anyway. They choose to continue to have beliefs that can't be shaken even though they are tested. They choose to find sweetness in life and some assurance in the face of death.

This pain robs innocence yet it also brings a purity. When humans face trials in their lives and choose to continue on with grace and dignity, when they choose to rely on God, when they tap a strength they never knew they had, they are suddenly free of circumstances. They know they can deal with just about anything. They know that the worst of life has hit them and they are still standing. It is like the air after a really good thunderstorm. They can inhale, look at the destruction around them and still know they are standing. They are still alive. They are still whole.

Name that Addiction

I am addicted to home improvement shows, fashion magazines, pedicures, iced tea, organizing just to name a few.

J and I got our line of credit for our house today. I am trying to figure out what improvements I really want to do. I know flooring is #1. The backyard is in SERIOUS need of a facelift. Good thing I am addicted to home improvement shows. I will find lots of ideas to be sure.

Last few days have been stressful. Working with a lady whose personality is like turpentine. Should be taken in small doses...but only in wine. French people, gotta love 'em. (That's all from a Simpson show I saw the other night. I am feeling a wee bit silly right now.)

Good Night, Blogland!

I Need Trading Tips

My sister left town. As you know (those of you who have been around for a while), she and I are close. Not that kind of close, though.

My little brother and sister in law moved into town.

Not really a fair trade.

I think I might have an addictive personality. I never thought I did but I get addicted to weird things like working and blogging.

Strange.

I Would Apologize, But......

But you don't care and I don't care that I was gone. So why bother?

I am not sure why exactly I am blogging now except I have some down time and I don't feel like reading, cleaning, watching TV or sleeping.

I checked in on a few of you and I was happy to see that V and Jake had written something new. Maybe when the summer is truly over everyone will be back to blogging with more regularity, I don't know. My life doesn't seem like it is going to slow down anytime soon. It is like a merry-go-round that just keeps spinning faster and faster. I am really finding out what my priorities are though. Housework is always the first thing to fall by the wayside. The dust bunnies blowing through my house are the size of Texas tumbleweeds! If I run out of time or energy, I sacrifice things in my business. I cut corners and ignore the tasks I don't like doing anyway. I do all the things that clients will miss if I don't do them, but the infrastructure stuff like continuing to build my business and find new business just doesn't get done. My attitude towards that? Guilt at first then "Oh well". It seems I compromise very little when it comes to my volunteer work, my spirituality and my marriage. I am trying to do better about staying in touch with real live in the flesh friends (vs. blogger friends) and this summer I have done pretty well with that.

Oh, and my bills are always paid about a week late so every month I seem to pay an extra $100 in late fees. Bastards! (I know, it's my responsiblity and my fault.)

My younger brother and his wife moved in to town. It's been interesting. I haven't really been close to my brother. I don't know how to build a relationship with my sister in law because she's not a friend (in the normal sense of the word) but she doesn't really act like family either. I am really learning something in that new situation!

Bye for now.

No Boundaries

I just feel the need to express myself.

Ahh...that's better. So I was thinking about the idea of "No boundaries". Sounds wild and adventurous but it is really just the label on my pajamas that I got from Wal Mart.

Where in life is it good to have no boundaries? In art? In spiritual expression? In creative ideas? In music? In sex? In diet? What appetite benefits from living full on without any boundaries?

Most appetites are destructive if given their full whim. Take emotions for example. If you wanted to fully express your rage, you would probably do some damage to something or someone. Was it worth it? Sadness expressed and allowed to run free is destructive at least to the person that unleashes it all. I supposed happiness and contentment are okay.

Anyway, I was thinking about how cool "no boundaries" probably sounds to teenagers who have lived with boundaries their whole life. New won freedom sometimes is used the wrong way and just leads to enslavement of a different kind. Vices of the normal sex, drugs and rock and roll (okay, well I don't believe you can O.D. on rock and roll) can end up ruling a life. Even the need to be cool and keep an image can self destruct when a person has no boundaries in their life.

Have fun with that thought. Thanks for letting me express myself!!